Life Update plus Online Comparison and Envy and how to avoid it
I thought I would do a little life update seen as I have been gone a while and I also wanted to talk a little bit about Online Comparison and Envy and how to avoid it.
So firstly, I have kind of been avoiding social media and the blog. Like I often do. I take more breaks then a blogger really should. I am not a blogger that posts consistently 3-4 times a week. I work in waves and there is a wave of new posts coming soon..Hopefully!
I like many people find social media exhausting sometimes. I find it to be kinda fake. I don’t do the whole sucking up thing in order to fit in or get into cliques.
Also, I feel like there are no real topics being talked about online anymore. These posts are the posts that people are not writing because apparently writing these posts go hand in hand with being ungrateful and not knowing you are ‘blessed’.
The other reason I have not written as much is because I have serious imposter syndrome and never quite feel good enough. I don’t want to come up with click bait titles and create controversial content (check me out, with that alliteration) just to gain likes and make loadsa money. That just isn’t who I am.
I struggle with sponsored posts and have taken a break from them too because as much as I could do with the cash, I want to be sure that I am being 100% genuine. I have seen even the most ‘real’ people fall into the trap of endorsing products and talk about things that don’t really fit with who they are (or who they appear to be online). But is that really true? Are they just being extra real? I have done this ‘endorsing things that don’t really fit into my niche’ thing myself because I am not perfect and pretending that my life is all about natural healing and nothing else would be a massive lie. So I have endorsed Oreos etc. because at that time, occasionally I was having a couple and on occasion I was also having a couple of thousand Oreos..
The online world wants you to fit into a box. You are your niche and you must never do anything a little different. Basically branding. Which is great..but it also feeds into the idea that everyone is perfect which causes all kinds of issues for people who are struggling in any area of their life right now.
Like most people, I have a variety of interests and cravings. I am still learning and transitioning and it takes time. As such, I am not eating healthy 100% of the time all of the time and when I am away from home..I am definitely not. The same during stressful times. Or any emotional times. Basically every day. (No i’m kidding).
Genuinely though, I have taken massive breaks in my healing journey. Last year, I took the entire year off and I was only 6 months into my healing journey. To be honest, I am so new to this world. I love it but I am learning and therefore still tripping up all the time. Jessica Ennis talks about it in her book. Self regulation…basically you become stronger over time and train yourself to keep up healthy habits.
This sounds so moany doesn’t it but really I’m just trying to be honest in a world that doesn’t necessarily like honesty. So the past few weeks have been crazy. I have done some fasting and that has resulted in some healing. These were 36 hour fasts btw. Healing isn’t pretty. In effect, you are purging things from your body during these types of fasts. Be that physically or emotionally. It isn’t something that you really want people to see. That would be way too real.
Also last Sunday night, my precious and beautiful Gran in Law (Nani) had 2 brain haemorrhages. That in itself is pretty serious, but add to that her age and history..it’s pretty scary to be honest. So we have been travelling up north when we can. I love my gran in law to bits. She often talked about our relationship and used this quote:
`A’ishah, the Prophet’s wife, narrated a hadith, that she heard from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
“Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognise, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognise, they will not get along with” (Al-Bukhari).
Myself and my gran in law formed an instant connection (you know when you just click?) when I first got married. I adore her and was actually supposed to be there with her on the day she had her first haemorrhage.
She is close to many people because she is such a beautiful, caring, giving soul who really looks after people. So there are alot of people amongst my inlaws who are absolutely heartbroken and very worried about her. Please remember her in your prayers.
Oh and both my kids have been off school with chicken pox.
You know those mornings when you wake up feeling all zen, then you reach for your phone and it all goes a bit pear shaped. Everyones life looks so perfect. (Hello branding!). Their feed is so beautiful and so much better then your own. They themselves look as amazing as their wonderful life and you look down at the ladder in your leggings (and life) and wonder why you just aren’t them. They appear to be loving life and you are still trying to figure out what day it is.
So in order to avoid this daily pattern of beating myself up for not being perfect, I started to do certain things. Here is a list of things you can do, that I have done/attempted to do in order to avoid online comparison.
Put your phone down and definitely do no touch it in the morning – We all feel the pull of our phones. We all feel the pull pf social media. In an ideal world we would look at Instagram for precisely 30 seconds and then put the phone down. Except the App wasn’t created for that. Isn’t it crazy that you can have your phone on silent, turned over and even switched off, but somehow it still calls to you? Then you go on Instagram and your day has all but gone? I always say that in some ways Instagram is the modern day equivalent of curtain twitching. You are getting a peek in to someones filtered world and seeing their best bits. The other side is the business element and attention grabbing side..but lets not go there. Basically, It isn’t a healthy place to hang out and I avoid it as best as I can most days. Here is a 7 day phone detox that I will be doing next week!
Unfollow People – Yes I know it sounds mean (or ‘meany’ as maryam would say) but it’s also necessary. If you are following a perfect person and they are getting on your t…, (nerves..i mean nerves, you know I meant nerves right?), just unfollow them. It really isn’t worth the headache.
Follow Inspiring People and Pages that are focussed on Positivity or The Law of Attraction – This was something one of my friends does and I followed suit. I know its sounds airy fairy but this has realllllly helped me. I save any quotes or images from said pages and look at them (on my phone that I’m meant to be avoiding) when I am feeling like I am not good enough.
Follow people in other fields that are of interest to you – Following people in your niche is great but not if it isn’t helping you. How about following people in other niches that you love? If you love interiors and home deco, focus your energy on those or other pages that interest you instead.
Log out of Social Media – Seriously. Also turn off all your notifications..because as soon as you get onto social media, that one glance turns into half an hour of looking at perfect airbrushed lives and then you begin to spiral again and next thing you know you have raided the cupboard and eaten all the Oreos..LOL. The creators of these apps want to keep you scrolling all day but you might find that it isn’t kind to the mind… (I’m a poet).
Get to the root of the issue – Try and identify what the core issue is. Why are you comparing yourself to someone else and why is that making you feel a little envious? For me, its imposter syndrome. For some it could be scarcity? So to try and overcome my imposter syndrome, I am doing some daily affirmations and I am starting a course soon recommended by my very amazing cousin in law.
Surround yourself with uplifting people who have your back – I have been fortunate enough to meet some really amazing people this year. People who genuinely adore me and want the best for me. Those are the people you need to seek out. Basically they are your cheerleaders and the ones who keep you going when any self doubt/envy creeps in.
Get into Nature – You know that phrase ‘ I need some fresh air?’ I use it all the time because nature and the outdoors is healing. You are less likely to feel any negative feelings when you are in amongst nature.
‘Florence Williams, author of “The Nature Fix,” talks about disconnectedness from nature. People often choose what’s familiar and nature has become a foreign commodity.
Williams noted a link between what’s become an almost absent drive to connect with nature and the onset of chronic ailments.
“We don’t experience natural environments enough to realise how restored they can make us feel, nor are we aware that studies also show they make us healthier, more creative, more empathetic and more apt to engage with the world and with each other. Nature, it turns out, is good for civilisation.”
Practice Gratitude and honour your journey – Be grateful for where you are right now (so so blessed.. 😉 ) and know that it is exactly where you are meant to be. Any feelings of negativity will hopefully be the trigger that makes you want to aim higher and that can only be a good thing right?
Meditate – Setting aside some quiet time to just breathe, silences that inner voice and critic as well as making you more mindful and less focussed on nonsense like this post. I use the Calm app for my morning meditation.
Celebrate others success and collaborate? – Celebrating others success and making a little prayer for their success really helps to erase any comparison envy. Everyone has struggles and the more I talk to people, the more I realise that even those people who we think have got everything together and appear perfect, are human and have many of the same feelings as we do. Also, we have to remind ourselves that we all bring/contribute something different. They may not be able to bring what you can bring to the table and vice versa. You could also collaborate with them if you feel it is right for you. Collaboration and networking isn’t for everyone but it is unbelievably effective for getting you further ahead and a real celebration of both your work and another creatives work.
Revisit your intention – This is for business pages to be honest. I am blogging about food but its all part of a much bigger picture to help people to heal, amongst other things. Keep your intention in mind and the envy will drop away.
That’s it folks.
What do you guys think? Is there anything you would add to the list? Can online envy and comparison be avoided? Do you think its a good thing? Do you avoid social media? Do you want to do a digital detox with me? Let me know your thoughts!